He Won't Abondon You

picture by Jill Greenseth

Sometimes in the midst of a crowded room you can still feel alone. I remember in college helping out an old roommate with a photography assignment. She needed a model for some “mood” photos. You can only imagine how many times I made her repeat her request before agreeing. (say it aloud a few times if you don't get it)

We traveled around Washington, D.C. scouting spots where I would look especially lonely. We went to a crowded bar where I posed alone, looking forlorn. The bartender even suggested putting the stools on the bar so I could look especially pathetic. I was all alone at closing time.

We went to a crowded mall. Surrounded by happy shoppers walking in pairs, I sat alone. I did my best to act the part. I was sad and alone in a sea of joy. I was missing out on all the fun.

Our last stop was a children’s playground. As the kids ran carefree and happy, I sat, alone, on a swing, kicking at the dirt at my feet. I didn’t have to act any more. I felt alone. All of locations we’re filled with joy-filled, hopeful people; yet, I had never felt more isolated.

I left my old friend and headed home. I dragged myself into my dorm room, slapped a Janis Ian tape into the stereo and fell on my bed for a good cry. Instead of a being the subject of a photographers lens, I felt like a specimen in a lab. I gave in to the temptation to believe the worst: I was a freak, a loner, worthless, abandoned, and unimportant to anyone.

“When in doubt, look up”, reminds the sweet little angel that hangs in my bedroom. A dear friend gave her to me. This angel is the first thing I see as I wake up each morning. She reminds me that even in the bad times, even in the valley, God is good. He will never abandon me, He is faithful and true. I carry Him in my heart, in every fiber in my body just as surely as my daughter carries her trusty blanket “pinkie”.

“This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9).

There are days in life when things don’t go my way. I thank God for being with me in the days most filled with strife and pain and fear. His love shines through the gloom and points to the skies.

What helps you remember that God is with you and will never abandon or forsake you?

I sometimes find encouragement through song, as in the words above. I am also reminded in the song, “Yesterday, by Mary Mary that “there (is) nothing too hard for my God…any problem that I have he’s greater than them all. So I decided that I cried my last tear yesterday.”